from TMI to PFD.

some don'ts of dating -- a list of actual things compiled by me and my girlfriends – and all of these were FIRST dates:


show up drunk. is that too much to ask for?

show up on a mixture of amphetamines, which may cause you to do things such as let an entire ice cream cone melt down your arm without you noticing.

order for her. 21st Century says what? i'm sorry i didn't know i was having dinner with the Sultan.

tell her your annual salary.

upon first hug, put your hand underneath her shirt and touch the skin of her back.

keep your cellphone ringer on.

forget your wallet.

point to your penis, telling it “you get down, you get down!”

ask her to “pray for the Jews that they will find Jesus.”

tell her she “seems sexually repressed” – 20 minutes into the date. (note: could be a red flag that the guy is used to paying for it.)

tell her about your recent sexual experience with your neighbor, about 25 years your senior, and go into explicit (XXX) detail about how you ‘pulled it out and showed it to her’ [and it goes hardcore from there]. above and beyond TMI. it’s PFD. (Pretty Fu**ing Disgusting). Ruined my sushi dinner thank you.

tell her “you look like my ex.”

walk by Victoria’s Secret and say “ooh yeah, I like to dress all my ladies in lingerie.” skeevy.

assume the date is going so well, that while you’re taking a pit stop en route to next location (at a respective apartment), think that her going to the restroom to “freshen up” is code for “would you please be standing naked in the hallway masturbating when I come out.”

us girls had some good laughs over this.... and a nice 2000 Shiraz.


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