Porque Puedo.

It is time for a new post.

2010-07-14T15:16:00.000-07:00

lots has happened since the last posting. We have had Haiti disaster, earthquakes, oil spill, the economy, Michael Jackson's death, Avatar and Justin Bieber, to name a few.

isn't that the way the News is? "11 troops die in Afghanastan and Mel Gibson is is douche."

i'm going to take this blog over to www.kidneythieves.com ~ maybe i'll revive this thing.

a couple of personal things I am excited about:

our album trypt0fanatic came out.
our studio went 100% solar.
i planted an entire garden in my backyard.
my cat turned 16
i believe the children are our future.

Documentaries (Must See):

Food, Inc.
Gasland

Lucy Walker's "Wasteland" - coming soon
Lucy Walker's "Countdown to Zero" - coming soon

Favorite new Film:

Girl with Dragon Tattoo

Favorite New Gadget:

iPad

fired up. stream of consciousness recap comin’ atchya.

2008-10-09T08:56:00.001-07:00

Every year, around this time, a small group of powerful, intelligent, successful women convene in confidence for a very personal, free-flowing discussion. I was fortunate enough to be invited to this one. The objective is not known until we all start speaking about happen-ings, feel-ings, situation-ings… and then it becomes clear.

Everything melded together in alchemical form, where a spontaneous sentence about we females knowing our "great-ness," trusting our "in-stinct," accompanied by the commentary by Elizabeth about the History of 30,000 years, where the feminine was worshipped, as opposed to the past 6,000 years, it has been masculine, and mythologically, how [in a nutshell] the woman with the "fruit of the knowledge" in these recent times is translated as a "bad thing...."

We started to bring those muse-ings into the light of 2008 (almost '09) to realize something prevalent in all of our lives, society as we know it.

(For this blog I am in particular talking about Women):

We are Great. We have powerful instincts. This "fruit of the knowledge" can be used for "bad," as we see with jealous, divisive, scheming behavior…. Look at who the masculine-controlled Government is holding up in their High Regard at this time – a woman who does not have the much real knowledge to run a Country, and/or even scarier, is using an skewed version of knowledge towards a de-evolution of Women's rights. It seems to be OK to have a woman they feel they can "control" for their own gains. So it seems.....

We powerful, Great women oftentimes, at the apex of our "knowing," are surrounded (or sometimes choose to be surrounded, let’s be real!) by the polar opposite: Possibly males who don't want us to exhibit our truest power, who make us question our instincts, put a chloroform rag over our self-esteem. This Opposite can also be shown in passive-aggressive behavior, that leaves us with little question marks above our heads….. We've seen women do this to other women, as well. Ladies: How many times have you had a close friend be jealous and manipulative, because your Greatness makes them feel inadequate….. or a woman's unfounded jealousy tried to put sticks in the spokes of plans, relationships, (bands!), and such?

Divisiveness and Jealousy is the shadow side of our power, and it never comes across as a Lion's Roar, but more as a pathetic, hunger-stricken stray cat scrambling to survive the day.

During our “meeting,”, I also told this story:

One afternoon, I walked by an elderly woman's abundant rose garden, and we started talking. She explained to me that her roses looked better than anyone else's in the neighborhood because of this Secret:

"See, when you trim all these little brown leaves, every day, you're trimming dead energy off that would otherwise take away from the Flower, then the rose bush instinctively knows that 'hey, I have more energy to multiply!'

I didn’t need a hammer to hit me over the head to see this as an Allegory for Life, and what we should do to be successful, unabashedly show and utilize our power in the midst of the shadows that try to eclipse our light: Always trim the dead energy. Never give the dry, brittle, brown leaves any attention.

In closing: This was not an anti-masculine conversation, it was about a new Ideal: Taking the shadow side of masculine out of Ego/Aggressive, the shadow side of feminine out of Jealous/Divisive/Weak, and focusing on bringing BOTH m & f sides into the light where they can work together.

There’s only one way that can happen in our lives: By who we choose to Be and who we have around us.

p&l
fd

Yeah they really want you, they really do.

2008-04-21T20:19:00.000-07:00

In America, where CGI / Slash-em / Crash-em / 90 IQ dialogue rules the box office (most of the time -- exceptions, Juno, Little Miss Sunshine, etc.), i am so refreshed to find such a sweet message in this quirky film.

Ryan Gosling is now one of my top fave actors - his character was PHENOM. The casting was spot-on, (each and every performance superb!!), and this film delves into questioning reality, perception, and *the things our psyche does to work out our parental issues. Hey! We can even be compassionate towards one another!

One of the smartest things is that it wasn't about sex. I don't want porn in my message (or a message in my porn, for that matter).

All this being said, it is not a "touchy/feely" film. Just a chunky homeslice of stellar indie filmmaking.

***

Then, timely enough, a documentary on BBC called "Love me, Love my Doll" was on the same evening.

I saw these people had found an anodyne to their inability (thus far) to work out their "issues." Most of the subjects' issues were plain as day..... but who are we to judge / They're not "hurting" anyone - And don't we all have our "formulas" to escape or avoid pain?

The documentary was strong on the palate, at times queasy on the stomach and I needed a South Park chaser afterwards; however, it's a fascinating deviance to examine.

I can't imagine going through life without the human experience -- but for some -- it is too painful to tread.

thought for the endslope of the year.

2007-12-10T13:09:00.000-08:00

"may we always see and accept the truth about ourselves, no matter how beautiful it may be."

a Proposal to Leo DiCaprio.

2007-09-11T09:45:00.000-07:00

Leo,

Great movie, the 11th hour. Inspiring. Could help change minds. Here's the issue i have: Most people who saw it are already ON BOARD. we will pay the 12 bux (plus parking) to see a movie that reconfirms our beliefs. Most people are going to spend the $ and two hours watching Rush Hour XXI.

Here's a thought: There are about 25,000 high schools in our country.

Why don't you burn say, 5,000 DVDs, send them to high schools; record a personal message from you and a personal letter about how the students are the future -- and they can make a difference. Even if a % of the schools set it up to where the movie can be watched in the cafeteria, auditorium, whatever -- it could make a difference. These people will be voting soon. Some will be business owners someday. This could affect career paths. Some will tell their parents. I know you have the $ to do so, and it will also be a write-off. If you didn't want to spend your own money, i am sure a lot of this could be donated! Talk to Bill Gates. ;)

And in a Netflix sort of way, to conserve, have the school mail back the DVD, and *recycle* it by sending to other schools -- maybe schools in the UK, Canada.

Hell!!! Get it translated and send it to other countries!!!!

IN ORDER TO CHANGE THINGS, YOU HAVE TO CHANGE MINDS.

peace.
free

******on another note*****

ARE THESE PEOPLE HIGH?

check out www.ebay.com

why the hell is Fergie auctioning off her Hummer to give $ to Global Green? you have to be sucking on the Nitrous Oxide pump to not see how ridiculous this is.

someone is still gonna drive that thing - and a waste of resources, no matter how small (in comparison to coal-burning, etc.) -- is still a MESSAGE. a HUMMER is NOT a SYMBOL of ecological responsibility. it's like trying to pass off chicken shit as chicken salad / auctioning off a bottle of Cristal to support M.A.D.D. / auctioning off cigarettes to support the Cancer Society!!!

how about auctioning it off, put a diesel engine in it and conver to Veg. Oil?????? OR BETTER YET -- DISMANTLE it, use the materials that you can for other things.... things that HELP.

how about not auctioning off a hummer. now that would make sense.

WTFU peeps!!! seriously!!!

who you have around you......

2007-09-10T21:15:00.000-07:00

this is why i am so happy to have the manager that i have. he not only kicks ass and delivers, but he thinks like this:

***

Yellow

I've been thinking about treason recently.

I used to think I knew the meaning of the word as a special sort of "official" betrayal of the state. Of course that definition only applies if the state itself is not guilty of it, like the recent exposure of CIA agent Valerie Plame Wilson by a member of the white house. See that would have been treason for you , but for them it was an oversight, not treason and besides according to official sources "she was not that good an agent anyway". So already the definition is somewhat muddy. Good thing it was not James Bond.

What about treason like the kind that the American Unions are presently perpetrating against their members by voting against Free trade agreements? This eliminates the access to key markets for the US who already is losing ground to China at an alarming rate. Their motivation comes from arrogance and shortsightedness. Lets not forget that these cretins are the same ones who thought the American automobile industry would always dominate no matter how poor the quality and how high the prices. Using the word "competitive" was treason then, since it was assumed that the American way was the best. Ok so we got our asses kicked. I like someone who gets up for another beating, too bad the damage to our economy is hard to reverse, but oh well it plays in Detroit. Did you know we tried to sell the Japanese cars with the steering wheel on the wrong side? (yup they drive on the left like in England, do I need to elaborate on the success of that brilliant maneuver?)

So now how about the lobbyists and their employers who pressure our poorly educated and greedy congressmen to pass laws that they know are destroying the country in the long run, but driving up quarterly profits; what is that? Is that just good capitalism? See now I'm inclined to think that this is treason.

I see the current crisis on wall street as the actions of people who got rich while knowingly destabilizing the financial markets, as treason. I see it like taking bricks out of a bridge to build your house with, I guess you are ok if your house is not under that bridge, but eventually the bridge comes down.

Come to think of it the music industry is being run just like that. They stop long term investment into quality acts in favor of trendy no shelf life ones. Result good monthly cash flow, zero long term profitability. Oh well the important thing is to have a job next week, too bad if the industry is decimated next year.

Speaking of bridges, what is ignoring structural weakness reports like in New Orleans or Minnesota and how many other places, claiming there is no money, yet having more than enough money to fund a useless conflict in Iraq. I guess its ok if it is not in your electoral state. (Agricultural subsidies anyone?)

I don't really want to go into the Catholic church spending more on settlements to victims of sexual abuse than they have to support the hard working priests and organizations that might actually give a damn. The treasonous acts perpetrated on us on behalf of God fills our history books so I will leave that alone. God is big business and besides my New and improved Garden of Eden island, with cable and intenet is being built for me in Dubai (Next to Rod Stewart's British Isles replica island)

Still as I look, all of these things can be worked out. I fundamentally believe in people if they get the right information and if there are any of us left to make a decision. But that is the catch, did you know that the industrial world has operated on the notion that it is ok to pollute when you start an economy since when it is really working you will be rich enough to put the polluting industry in someone else's country and give them an opportunity to die but make money doing so. That notion, which is wrong by the way, is called the Environmental Kuznets Curve. It does not take into account minor details like irreversible damage (meaning you or critters or ecosystems = dead), extinction of species or the lack of places to pollute. In the case of China, where are they going to go to feed their society? India? I don't think so. The good news is that the Chinese leadership seem very much aware of this and are working a lot harder to find solutions than the US has been.

My point is that the people who profit from and think about this stuff, KNOW about this stuff. They know they are reducing the environment to nothing, if not domestically then abroad, but they KNOW. (Remember cigarettes?) Is that not treason? If not against the state then certainly against humanity, and when you think in terms of treason against humanity does it not start with the basic respect we owe each other?
If we had respect for others, we would not do any of the things I mentioned above.
Can it be that simple?

NAH, now what color Hummer am I going to get to impress my hoes…….

doin' it 4 da kidz.

2007-08-09T12:18:00.000-07:00

it's a great feeling when you make a kid happy. i gave this girl a silver locket necklace. she took the time to make me the most adorable card!

Exhibit A ("aww"):

Exhibit B (melts):

Wait: Why does the 9 year old have bigger breasts than me???

no more Britney Spears for you, little one.

p&l
fd

-i know they are supposed to be puff sleeves.

ramble on. (and that's the half of it.)

2007-06-05T11:12:00.000-07:00

I can feel them coming like a beautiful wave, the first sun ray, the sound of the leaves before the wind.

Time is an interesting thing. There are certain things that make me believe time doesn’t exist.

There are certain things that happen which let you know you are in the right place.

For me, that would be my dreams and “awake” blending and guiding me – like a scavenger hunt, but with me also having been the one who hid the objects, split-screening from reality to dream, giving myself hints along the way!

Sometimes these dreams go back a decade, only to make sense today. People I meet shine something infinite that prove to me time doesn’t exist.

We show the affects of time on our skins. That is half the illusion.

It has make me come to believe that our greatest Maya, our greatest challenge, is to make ourselves see that half of the shadow is the reality. All the while, our minds scurry through reservoirs of electric currents, soul-memories, digging through the darkest dirt without a map – to try and uncover any sort of clue, light to guide us on which side of the Half to grasp.

I like the concept in quantum physics about virtual particles. I love the idea about accepting the ‘unknown,’ the ‘unquantifiable,' and its role in guiding what we see. The other Half. I like that eyedea. I needs me a little science in my spiritual bee S…

Zmake honey.

(that thing that Mr. Mason said: "Life isn't personal, it just feels personal.")

p&l

new post soon.

2007-06-03T17:33:00.000-07:00

been taking some time for other lovely life things.

p&l
fd

to the nearest awakening.

2007-05-05T20:31:00.000-07:00

it's a good day to feel this way:

there's something to be said for a lack of sleep. a day in somnambulism. concentrating on other parts that may need tuning into.

then there's pancakes. sweet sweet pancakes.

peazout.

shout at the devil.

2007-04-30T12:08:00.000-07:00

I got an email on myspace from someone (just some networking dude) who was interested in distributing prior KT albums. no thank you. i did, however, find the email quite entertaining.

He let me know their company doesn't distribute anything with a Satanic nature, questioning the content of Taxicab Masiah (sic). hmm... maybe he should buy the album and play it backwards, mwhahahahahaaha.

peace love and harmony
fd

nutritious news?

2007-04-19T01:11:00.000-07:00

"The media has long ago stopped encouraging excellence, it is too hard a road and too few people relate to the work needed to be a true hero. " (quote from my manager)

i went to cnn.com tonight to read some news before hitting the sack. about 80% of the page was splashed with images of the killer in the VT shootings. he will now be amongst the faces we all know so well of other known murderers.

where are the faces of the people that truly matter? the innocent, the people who were doing good in their lives -

the amount of real estate these people get in the media is appalling, and, to me, socially irresponsible. what better way to encourage more psychos to strive for infamy? why would i give the lowlife piece of crap my attention and watch a disturbing video that meant everything to him for everyone to watch (i will not watch it)! that video should have never been released, and it is an insult to the people who lost family members to this incident. there's nothing to gain by watching it except a bit of schadenfreudesque, macabre form of entertainment. life is difficult enough, i don't need to go out of my way to see disturbing things. what happened this week is an awful thing, and i certainly care more about the people this happened to than the person who did it.

why do we need to go into the "mind" of this person! it's simple: he was a disturbed sociopath. clearly the signs were there, but social, community, governmental responsibility was impaired. (i realize we can't stop every psycho, but as a group of human beings on this planet, if we just "cared" a little more -- less tragedies would occur.)

i could never understand why time magazine, etc. would put osama bin laden's face on the cover of their magazine - or the men who flew the planes in 9/11, etc. these people are getting what they want.

the new york post splashed an anna nicole story and photo on the front page today, giving about 1/3 mention on the cover of the shootings -- with, of course, the face of the shooter. shame on you! (i realize it's the New York Post - but still, how could an editor think the cover in any kind of taste or decency at all?)

people's sad meltdowns are entertainment? the sperm donor of a celebrity's baby? and still, we cannot see the faces of the people who are losing limb, psyche or dying for this country. where are the faces of people who are trying to make the world a better place? they are not on the front pages. just a few weeks ago, CNN was the effin' Anna Nicole Channel!

lastly, if anything -- i hope we can, as a whole, take more responsibility when recognizing unstable people; empower ourselves regardless of the "system"; realize that strict gun legislation could have not only prevented this*, but many incidents you DON'T hear about and future ones.

how great would it be if there was a wave of more people choosing to NOT participate in the consumption of the empty calories, putting our brainwaves, focus on the negative and DISTRACTIVE side of the media! (one can only dream)

*the guy was diagnosed a harm to himself and others -- there should be a system intact whereby these types of people cannot purchase guns. period. you can't drink and drive, you shouldn't be able to psycho and shoot.

fd

my thoughts to all families who have lost someone - here, there, and everywhere.

"i used to be gay. big whoop!"

2007-03-02T11:19:00.000-08:00

no he di'int!

copy and paste this link & click on the "listen" icon if you have 2-3 minutes to spare.

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=7648730

i just had to laugh at this segment, as it is my belief that the movement for equality is stronger than the movement perpetuating ignorance.

p&l
fd

i'm just sayin'

2007-02-24T22:18:00.000-08:00

I’m feeling a trend happening: The Weekend at Bernie’s Tour of Death for the Notorious.

I first noticed with Gerald Ford. After like a week I realized ‘wow- his body is making the rounds – to a level of creepiness.' New Rule: If one really cares to view the body, take a plane to the funeral (not plural). The only services that should come to you are Pizza Delivery, The Cable Guy and well, any other sort of call-to-order with someone ALIVE.

James Brown - it’s like they had laminated him – as if miniatures could be sold as keychains or some sort of hanging diety on a rearview mirror. (Actually, I read he's shined up with Beeswax.) *I hope this information is not something i will need for personal implementation in the future. But ain't Google grand?

And then, Anna Nicole. Although she is not making the post-mortem expedition, her carousel junket reinforces our knowledge there’s a decomposing body out there. CNN - c'mon, now! I'm switching to BBC.

I feel like it’s a little disrespectful, as well, to leave the empty house hanging like that. I mean ain’t nobody home, and those things we hold on to that can’t be buried are the things that are *more* alive now.

Quantum physics shows us energy never dies. Being with a body for over an hour after someone has died, I could feel the spirit (energy) of the person leaving the room. It was a palpable presence. I was a fucking mess, but, really was trying to wrap my brain around the whole deal. It felt as if the sunbeams were straws against the window, vacuuming the energy out, permeating the trees, and sprinkling the sky.

Then a Thunderstorm came. Nice. I apply my own story to it which gives me peace, a personal myth to cope -- not to completely disregard the coincidence.

Ok back to recording.

p&l
fd

the emotional post. bring in the orchestra.

2007-02-20T12:09:00.000-08:00

Spring, gilt in all its symbolism, holds special meaning this year.

hard work. cold winters. planting seeds. seeing it bloom. (you know, all the typical chessy bullshit metaphors that we use -- because -- they are emblematically true.)

in March i'm gonna go to my special place at the mountain and revel in it.

it's funny: in life in order to keep all good around you, it requires a lot of fuck you's -- not necessarily going out and telling people that, but the internal meter of what is allowed and what is not allowed in your life guiding that in order to understand and protect the good people you have around you. i'm fiercely loyal and protective of those who are close to me, as i am familiar with the alternative - i've at times poorly chosen friends and business associates. (E.g., not recognizing oh - that people can lie and/or be full of shit. . . . what a concept!)

how do you know what success is if you haven't failed?

how do you know overcoming if you are not informed by adversity?

how do you know what pure love is if you have not experienced lesser degrees of love?

***
this week, my friend Brian Bowen Smith is having his first show, with Brandon Boyd and Brent Bolthouse.... Brian inspires me. He was also the first person to tell me to get the fuck over shit and keep doing music. coming from a guy who at the age of 28 decided to quit an uphill career in extreme sports and acting to pursue photography of all things - by phoning Herb Ritts and asking him for a job. Herb ended up teaching him everything he knows -- and -- -gave Brian his camera before he died.

fast forward to Brian being a superstar photographer today in his own right.

Brian, his wife, family -- i do feel grateful to have them as friends every single second. No matter where you come from --- you can always choose goodness around you.

***

now, after these past almost 3 years of learning to be a better musician, singer, writer, *person,* and doing 3.5 albums, i really feel it's time to come out and take it a step further. i'll always stick to the truth i know inside of me.

the planets are aligned, and the power of the team i'm so fortunate to have around me also have the goal. i'm the kind of person who has their internal beliefs and goals, but really want to see that the team i have around me see the things i keep close to my chest as a reality. they do. they think it, they verbalize it, and it allows me to do what i know to do best. and i feel safe for the first time in years, maybe ever.

i think i can safely say it's gonna rock.

p&l
fd

from TMI to PFD.

2007-01-26T00:07:00.000-08:00

some don'ts of dating -- a list of actual things compiled by me and my girlfriends – and all of these were FIRST dates:

DON’T:

show up drunk. is that too much to ask for?

show up on a mixture of amphetamines, which may cause you to do things such as let an entire ice cream cone melt down your arm without you noticing.

order for her. 21st Century says what? i'm sorry i didn't know i was having dinner with the Sultan.

tell her your annual salary.

upon first hug, put your hand underneath her shirt and touch the skin of her back.

keep your cellphone ringer on.

forget your wallet.

point to your penis, telling it “you get down, you get down!”

ask her to “pray for the Jews that they will find Jesus.”

tell her she “seems sexually repressed” – 20 minutes into the date. (note: could be a red flag that the guy is used to paying for it.)

tell her about your recent sexual experience with your neighbor, about 25 years your senior, and go into explicit (XXX) detail about how you ‘pulled it out and showed it to her’ [and it goes hardcore from there]. above and beyond TMI. it’s PFD. (Pretty Fu**ing Disgusting). Ruined my sushi dinner thank you.

tell her “you look like my ex.”

walk by Victoria’s Secret and say “ooh yeah, I like to dress all my ladies in lingerie.” skeevy.

assume the date is going so well, that while you’re taking a pit stop en route to next location (at a respective apartment), think that her going to the restroom to “freshen up” is code for “would you please be standing naked in the hallway masturbating when I come out.”

us girls had some good laughs over this.... and a nice 2000 Shiraz.

p&l
fd

back to the music -

2006 recap (observations / things learned)

2006-12-18T12:12:00.000-08:00

- don’t fold clothes on a table with a burning candle

- pay someone the bulk of the money, if not all, after they’ve completed the work, even if they are a friend

- life feels better when you smile at strangers

- the lint roller sticky tape thing is the greatest invention ever

- you really can tell everything in a kiss

- if someone has lived somewhere, say, um, Los Angeles, for a period longer than a few years (or their whole life, for that matter), there is a reason why they don’t have any friends, and don’t feel sorry for them.

- there’s more to life than work.

- setting personal boundaries kicks ass. exercising your self-respect does, too.

- i love avocados more than i thought i did.

- i want a dog.

- damn, that culinary school looks really amazing.

- size does matter (just seeing if you’re paying attention! *ahem*)

- who you have around you makes all the difference in the world. to my friends and family: you have held me up, loved me, nourished me – at times when i didn’t think i could on my own. to my business partners some of who i call friend: i wasn't going to keep doing this. you found me, you showed me, believe in me -- you have taken the thorn out of my paw. i guess we'll keep doing this thing.

- positive thoughts and negative thoughts are material things, and the will to keep on the positive thought-track will make your life better.

- feelings are your own selfish thoughts. your actions are what matters to everyone else.

- laughter heals.

- let it go.

las mejores cosas de la vida

2006-12-11T09:56:00.000-08:00

i got to spend time my 96 year old great aunt who was an opera singer in Cuba. she sang with the famed Ernesto Lecuona, and has led a very interesting life. (she also ran a business back in the day in Cuba - a woman in the 1950's!) she made me sing for her, so she could judge my voice. what do you do when a 96 year old woman tells you cantas ahora. well, you do it. she made it clear that she despised "cultura moderna" (pop culture)..... so i do not think she would care for most of the music i have done...i sang a Spanish folk love song for her and she was happy. whew. she is a tough cookie. "su tono es muy bueno" .....then things got really cool - we started talking music and she was telling me some of the things she had done & she wanted me to learn some songs "muy bonito y sencillo de cantar para todas las gentes." it was a perfect afternoon.

when i see someone like her who is 96 - it shows you life is not over by any means. as long as we are here - we can create and love. eso es eterno.

and i was able to get this on tape. this may be the only video of her singing. what i love about this is you can visibly see her go back to Cuba, performing in the golden light and sticky air en un tiempo antes de Fidel:

"shat-rageous?"

2006-11-22T15:13:00.000-08:00

William Shatner is hosting some new game show and the announcer actually says in the promo "totally Shat-rageous!"

i didn't know the past tense of defecating could be an outright extravaganza - all in one game show.

the promo for the now-nixed OJ interview i heard was "totally Simp-similar to a confession!" and the upcoming Bush address to the nation is going to be "Vagina-riffic."

time to cook for tomorrow.

peace love and harmony
fd

atop the Santa Monica mountains

2006-10-30T01:09:00.000-08:00

i was sitting at the edge of a mountain, the top floor an unfinished Lloyd Wright house.

ipod on Pyramid Song,
feet dangling over the edge, thinking about what matters in the end.

i went into the soul of a bird

dead and alive, everywhere and nowhere.

random vignettes

2006-10-27T11:55:00.000-07:00

*every Armenian cab driver I have asks me “You Armenian?” “Frida is Armenian name.” (sometimes I tell people my name is Frida to avoid having to say, ‘Not Bree, F-R-E-E.’)

*I’ve been having recurring dreams of tidal waves since I was a small child.

*I took candy from a stranger once.

*my left middle finger fingernail won’t grow long. I guess it’s from too much usage. Actually, it’s because I got part of the side of my finger removed, due to some sort of acid torture on assignment in Peru.

*I am a jack of some languages, but master of ~~none~~ sort-of One: Spanish, French, Sign Language (I do a smashing rendition of “You Light up My Life"), Flemish, German… and as of late Russian.

I’ve got the English language down pretty good. Spanish would have to come in next…. French – only if I HAD to. My last tutor was all about negative reinforcement, and it completely killed my confidence. Flemish (Dutch): don’t need it, but it’s easy for me to catch on. in a matter of a couple of weeks, I could communicate with children ages 8 and under. Russian: I’m totally into it! I’ve got a smokin’ hot tutor (positive reinforcement, beeches!) and it’s coming easily to me. I think I’ll be able to get around like a dumb tourist in the next few (???) -- or at least shop at Loehmanns with ease.

***

When I was 6 years old, I was sent to this crappy daycare. I hated it and their lousy half-servings of cheerios, animal crackers (you got two), and their ghetto activities. It smelled like a 1950’s basketball gym (you know, the kind you find 100 miles on the outskirt of any Midwest or Southern city). It was one location scout shy of being used in a B-Horror film.

At my Shangri-la away from home, there was a deaf kid named Michael, who no one talked to. It made me sad. I went home to my room and my Encyclopedias, and learned the basics of sign language (i.e., the Alphabet). Later that week, I sat in a corner with Michael and we talked. I remember talking to him about songs and school. (Now that I think about it, why did I talk about songs to him? He couldn’t hear.) When I recall this memory, I remember like it was yesterday how happy I was that we could communicate and he wasn’t alone.

Yeah so give me a humanitarian award. La la la…..kids can be cruel or sweet. Jennifer pissed me off in Dodgeball and it wasn't pretty. (She had it comin’ to her.) Step off, Wench!

Perslackity!

p&l

was it something i said?

2006-10-25T23:00:00.000-07:00

I’m in my neighborhood walking near the Canyon Market – and I run into Paul. He’s talking to Alex, who owns the market. I come in on a conversation about how cool it would be to transform the adjacent diner into something a little more upscale, a place where more neighborhood peeps would be inclined to dine. (Right now, it’s a half-ass greasy spoon that is never busy – and it’s very brown.)

I interject: “Oh yes, that’s a great idea! The only reason I don’t eat there now is because the food is awful.”

(At this point I find out Alex also owns the diner. Oops.)

I ignore the rock of embarrassment in my stomach, smile and say: “Oh, I’m sorry (I increase my Southern Twang – it gets more mileage at times like these), I know you’re not the chef… and I mean it’s a prime location. You could definitely get more traffic if the restaurant served a more sophisticated menu -- and – you have this great wine store, you could incorporate that into the dining experience and just have a cork fee.”

words, words, recover, change the subject, blah, blah “…well it was nice seeing y’all….”

***

I am reminded of a time when I was about 8: The fam was invited over to the Boss’ house to have dinner. The Boss’ wife cooked steaks for everyone. I attempted to cut my steak, and announced, “Mom, I can’t cut the steak, it’s too tough!” (She said to me very quietly, “No it isn’t.”) I mean, c’mon, at the age of 8, I hadn’t learned the intricacies of subtlety – so I said, a little louder, “No, it’s tough (as I’m trying to cut it), it’s tough, it’s tough!” (I put knife down and slap my hands in my lap.)

I will assume at this point that the silence was awkward (hindsight is everything).

My mother told me in the hallway after dinner that what I said is not something you say because it is insulting someone’s cooking. I giggled. This was one of *many* times I found pleasure in being a ~~rebellious~~ strong-willed child.

I still think it’s funny. If only we could be that honest as adults. I guess that sort of happened in the first story.

p&l
fd

a coupla weeks ago -

2006-10-11T23:15:00.000-07:00

I got a flu bug.

I believe when you get the sick it is corresponding to something emotionally or spiritually.

After the fever and chills stopped, I started seeing my acupuncturist on a daily basis. He told me, “Your Shen is weak.” (Shen is spirit.) Hey, that made sense. “You’re too warm in your chest and head, and too cold in your solar plexus and feet.”

I immediately think about what is going on in my emotional/spiritual life:

On the third recording of the record (which I’m grateful for, but it’s stressful) & lots of business stuff and family stuff going on… and the creative stuff – seriously, I could easily sit down and write an entire record before the end of the year, but I can’t. I’ve been screwing around, jotting down songs and musical ideas, songs, but if I roll up my sleeves on a third unreleased album, I’ll just get in trouble… My manager’s having a hell of a time now as it is, with 3 of my projects…. I have to get this stuff sorted….It’s been challenging…. The body will make you stop.

I remembered got very ill the Monday after the Saturday evening I declared something on the edge of that mountain @ the Lloyd Wright gathering (which I will write about soon)…. The Fall Equinox symbolizes death of crops and sustenance required by what you have built earlier in the year. I declared getting rid of the “pests” that could destroy all I had cultivated. I meant it. It was a purging of sorts. I guess it was making its way out. Destructive emotions, ideas, memories, attitudes, choices -- they can live inside of us, until we do something about it. I’ll be damned if I go out like that.

As soon as the first needle went into my foot, I started feeling better. Acupuncutre feels like a mix between epinephrine/caffiene/and pre-orgasm. I'll take any or all of those three, and in no particular order.

And you know what my favorite part is? When shit is gettin' straight inside your soul, the outside world lets you know it. My feet are warm tonight.

“"You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take.” - Wayne Gretzky

peazen<3

ladies and gentlemen... i present the P. Diddy of furniture:

2006-10-08T12:57:00.000-07:00

The table in the picture above held a party for its new release. It is priced somewhere in the six figures... (i don't think any table should cost that much unless it can give me a massage, cook for me, clean the cat box and give me a 'happy ending.') Nonetheless, i had never been to a party for a Table, and I was drawn to the anthropomorphic quality of the whole thing.

The space was filled with people and friends who actually work, who have something to say. There was laughter, openness, meaningful conversation, as well as smiles and new connections. I found it ironic that a party for an inanimate object has been one of the better Los Angeles events! However, the table that threw this fabulous party was a no-show. It was too busy in New York and wasn't able to make it.

It sent sincere apologies and Cristal for everyone.

***

The evening before, i went to a charity event (so i thought). I was very interested to get information on it and hear the head of it (celebrity) talk about their mission. When i arrived, the valet had mysteriously jacked up their usual charge (i've been to this place before). We get to the door and are forced into making a 20 dollar donation (we are not allowed to come in until we pay them).

We walk in, and it's very "scene-y." Ms. Celebricon has no information about the charity, does not speak to the crowd (at least thank people for coming to support a great cause) ....there was no literature, video, no information on volunteering -- it was just a dumb LA party with a bunch of people standing around looking important and getting their picture taken with the hopes it will end up in US Weekly, etc. I was terribly offended that this was in the name of charity and doing good.

Note: Donating the 20 bucks wasn't an issue for me, the issue was it was blatant that our 20 dollar donation was more of a cover charge that paid for the party (the open bar, the staff, etc.).

I plan on writing them a letter, encouraging them to, at the least, do a better job at putting the cause at the forefront of their 'events,' so as to making it seem like they care.

peace love and harmony

fd

Life Lesson #922,061,824,737.4 (and a beauty tip) :

2006-09-24T18:58:00.000-07:00

Don't fold your laundry on a table with a burning candle. That's all i'm sayin'.

Beauty tip:

don't wear MAC Lipglass while you're performing a rock show, either. You'll end up looking like Chewbacca (assuming, you're rocking hard).

Boom shalocklock.

p&l
fd

p.s. this week i want to write about and show pics of my excursion to the Lloyd Wright property in the Santa Monica mountains. Blissfoshiss.

La La La Life -

2006-09-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

I've come to see that the real accomplishment in life isn't about how much you can acquire, but how much you can let go.

As my friend Josh once said, "....a series of epiphanies." In syndication.

p&l
fd

Stanks on a Plane!

2006-08-16T01:03:00.000-07:00

man i need a chiropractic adjustment. my guy's kind of of like my Chi dealer (hmm... CHIropractor), in the same way my Acupuncturist is -- i jones.ifix.ipay. i stay high for awhile.

great rehearsal tonight @ Cole. I like the room we use. You can hear everything so clear. My manager came up tonight and gave some great ideas and input. It's so cool having a music guy as your manager. Tomorrow's show will be f-u-n. You know i don't have stage fright, but something seems to always concern me: I always think i'm gonna forget the words. Stoked to have a good time afterwards tomorrow....Been in such a good headspace lately, being able to see life's flow and sharing it with peeps. Inspired.

i'm counting the days to get on a plane..... sometimes when i sit too long i get Aches on a Plane. maybe Ricki Lake's on a plane! In first classs, it's Steaks on a Plane. Lets pray nothing Breaks on the Plane. And of course, we hates it when it Stanks on a Plane.

for all our Sakes on a Plane, i'll stop.

hmm.... where to go? nyc? england? i finally got my books in from Amazon..... would love to just get outta here and zone out a bit.....i always seem to have a handful going on at once -- fitting for my life. i haven't been able to get into God of Small Things - and i know it won a Booker Prize. It seems like a getaway book to me.

somebody better not come back from england with a fake Oxcent.

God i'm Ti Red.

p&l
fd

convo with friend tonight......

2006-08-13T01:21:00.000-07:00

i cooked for a dear girlfriend tonight and we sat around for hours drinking wine and talking. i love women. i sooo value my female relationships. and i love that i'm a woman.

we were trading "war stories" (haha, past relationship and guy stuff, friendships)....she said something interesting about trust issues. generally, she doesn't fully trust anyone. she even admitted that she feels that way towards me, someone who gives her no reason for mistrust. i told her, "well, that's good. it's nice getting to know even more things about you; it helps me be a better friend. i accept you for who you are and i love you, and quite honestly, i don't care if you fully trust me or not; i'm not going to change who i am, and this issue you have doesn't affect our relationship."

as far as me regarding trust, i come from a different perspective. i don't put anything past anyone. people are capable of anything. i try to appreciate the good people i have in my life. i think we all have things we have to deal with. just stuff. don't really wanna waste precious life on holding on to 'things.'

OMG while i'm typing this, the Aristocrats (the movie) is on, and some beautifully contemptible dialogue bouncing around the airwaves of my home. It's comforting.

Stream - Exercising the Muscle

2006-08-07T21:37:00.000-07:00

these past 3 months I have learned so much about this past year and a half….

I think our souls are born into this existence not as a clean slate, but as a ring of light that has/does collect everything like flypaper. it attracts the unconscious energy that has magnetized to us, and it goes at light speed from there. In other words, i think we are all celestial bodies, just like our fellow stars, and no matter what matter we gather, be it dust, lessons, light, darkness, gravity, photons, skin and bones, we continually move through space.... whatever we collect, we drop, and we collect again, whether it be through expanding, contracting, life, death, dream, awake, our shells, our non-shells. We could just as well be a comet or a particle of a comet someday. We could just as well be a star that's been swallowed up, but still showing it's happy twinkling 24 million light year light. We could be. We could be. ....

then – we expand. for better and worse.

then – we enter a black hole. for better or worse.

then – we have a choice to expand, which will once again end up in breaking down of things. this could be our cycle.

i feel like I’ve reached a space of entropy. for better or worse.

my soul is drilling itself deep. and the deeper they go, the bigger the branches.

one thing I’ve learned, that maybe seems so simple – of course it’s simple in it’s intellectualization –

SURRENDER.

NOTHING in my life that I over-extended my branches to WORKED OUT. EVERYTHING that came to me by the sheer principle of being *present* and as conscious as possible – to see what gifts come my way – HAS WORKED OUT.

DO THE WORK, the mindset, the goalset, with a mental and spiritual intention of LOVE – and everything shows you the way. (Hesse, Coelho)

This is a fine line, because desire based upon your unconscious issues you have not worked out will keep teaching you a lesson until you “get it.” Yay for cycles!

Paying attention to life and giving / and diminishing self-destruction in your life reaps the GREATEST REWARDS.

I don't mean to come across as postulating - Just here Now.

I'm just working on getting as close to "Maude" from Harold & Maude as I can.

details to follow….. I’m slowly working back up to this whole writing thing.

journal entries.....

2006-08-02T19:08:00.000-07:00

i don't know what's wrong with me these days.... i have been thinking in clauses. my thoughts seem to come out eloquently when speaking with friends; but once i get to a computer -- i go blank.

i am guessing this is just a phase. i did so much expiring for the past year and a half, i'm filling back up on the inspiration. i look at all the songs for my next record (Core: A Zone), and i think - how do i get to the next place?

i think that's the problem. i need to stop thinking.

i guess just getting to the next place can be a long empty bridge sometimes.

p&l
fd